Archive for March, 2011

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How do you handle arguments that lead to heated exchanges with your spouse? Do you value being right over preserving the quality of your relationship? And how long do you stay angry after you’ve had a fight?

How you answer these questions offers a clue into how secure your marriage is. Unfortunately, too many married couples let unbridled confrontations tear the fabric of their relationship.

Every couple has misunderstandings, miscommunication, and disagreements. It’s human nature to see things from your own viewpoint. And it’s easy to forget that your spouse’s viewpoint is just as valid as yours.

Here are some tips when preparing for talks about emotional issues with your partner:

1. Take time to center yourself emotionally by sitting quietly for a few minutes. You might take deep belly breaths and count your out-breaths to keep yourself focused in the present moment, or you might meditate or pray during this time.

2. Notice any negative “chatter” in your mind and replace it with a positive statement, such as “Each time I really focus on listening intently to my spouse instead of jumping in to criticize, I’m improving our working relationship.” Or “I know that we can resolve this problem about how to handle our difficulties.”

3. Expect to be able to get along, talk respectfully and courteously to each other, and find creative solutions to problems. You influence what happens in interactions with others by your expectations about what you think will happen. In other words, you often get what you expect.

4. Suspend judgment and criticism so that you’re prepared to really hear your spouse. Resolve to listen deeply so that you can understand the fears and concerns that are layered beneath her (or his) surface words. When you can identify and understand her deeper concerns, you’re more likely to find an acceptable solution.

5. Make sure that you speak to your spouse with words that are respectful. Avoid profanity and refrain from personal attacks on your spouse. It’s quite different to say “I really don’t understand what you’re saying. Can you please explain?” instead of “This sounds like another one of your idiotic ideas.”

6. Be willing to look at your own position and admit it whenever you are wrong. This takes humility and critical self evaluation. But it will buy goodwill with your spouse. And it could set an example that he (or she) may decide to emulate.

7. Don’t carry around resentment after an argument. Try to respectfully express your feelings and then let them go. Then try to reestablish closeness as soon as possible. Make an effort to make up by focusing on what you do agree on, and on what you like about your spouse.

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Do you know the major reasons why men fail with women? You see a lot of men think they know but the fact of the matter is that they don’t know due to which they keep getting rejected time to time. This is the major reason why you must know these at all costs before it affects you. Read on to discover what these mistakes are and what you must do about them before it’s too late……

Trying too hard to impress her- Now this is more or less like trying to sell yourself to her. You should never try to impress her too hard as you might come across as desperate and some what needy for attention. Girls want to be with guys who don’t need attention rather get attention anyways.

Thinking money can buy her- Now this is another big mistake a lot of guys out there make on a consistent basis. You see if a girl is around you only because you can take her to expensive dinners and buy her expensive stuff then it wouldn’t be long before she dumps you and moves on to someone else. You see she is around you for the money and not you. Therefore always be careful in this area as it can cost you a fortune.

Agreeing with her all the time- This is more or less like seeking her permission before you make any move or do anything. You must remember that the more you seek her approval the deeper you are digging a hole for yourself where eventually she will dump you and get someone else who has a strong personality and is a strong decision maker.

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Couples in counseling are often shocked to find out that their health insurance does not cover marriage counseling. In fact, health insurance only provides coverage for individual counseling. If couples counseling is to be paid for by your health insurance company, the counselor must commit fraud. In order to submit a claim that will be covered, the counselor must make the claim under the name of one and only one of the spouses or not make a claim at all. Otherwise, the couple must pay for the counseling out-of-pocket.

In my opinion, marriage counseling, and all counseling should not be submitted to health insurance for payment. As a marriage counselor in Overland Park, Kansas, I have not had anything to do with submitting claims to insurance companies for nearly a decade.

There are two primary reasons for this. First, when a claim is filed for services, the insurance company requests a great deal of information about the client in order to determine if the procedure (in this case counseling) is “medically necessary” and therefore, qualifies for payment. What most people don’t realize is that all of that personal, private information, often not just about the person him or herself, but their family, is collected by the insurance company, codified and submitted to databanks that are available to anyone in the insurance industry. And it stays there indefinitely. The personal information does not expire after a certain time period, as does credit bureau information.

What this means is this personal and sensitive information is available to be taken into account in the future when this client makes a request for any other kind of insurance. Not only that, but the same personal information can and is used to determine disability coverage, life insurance coverage, security clearances, and job qualifications. For me, this breach of privacy is not worth using insurance reimbursement for counseling, marriage or otherwise.

Secondly, once the insurance companies are brought into the reimbursement process for counseling, they will determine how much and what kind of counseling is necessary, or when payment should stop. Generally speaking, these decisions about how much counseling a client should receive is made by staffers in the insurance company who have no clinical experience or direct knowledge of the clients needs. Generally speaking, the therapist has little to say about this finalizing decision. So, again, in my opinion, this loss of control over the counseling process is not worth what little bit the insurance company will provide to cover counseling.

No. If at all possible, get your marriage counseling paid for without using your insurance coverage. As a here is no justifiable reason that counseling should even qualify under health insurance reimbursement procedures.

Dentistry rarely is covered by health insurance. Accounting and legal services are not covered by insurance. Many health procedures that people use to sustain quality living, such as massage, spa treatments, yoga, meditation, and nutritional consultation are not covered by health insurance. People don’t even think about insurance coverage when they procure these kind of services. As a result, privacy in these areas of service is protected and control over the services is retained by the provider and consumer, as it should be.

I use several ways of enabling my clients and me to come to agreeable compromises around paying for counseling without using health insurance coverage. I use credit cards. I negotiate fees down to a given minimum. I have an advance purchase program whereby clients receive up to a 25% discount depending upon the number of sessions they purchase in advance.

In most cases, after I explain the risks attached to using health insurance coverage for counseling services, clients gratefully request that I not submit my services to their insurance company for reimbursement and they pay out-of-pocket.